Backstabbers
I hear a lot of stories from colleagues and my website visitors about their work environment – relationships with managers and colleagues, work-life management, career aspirations, professional challenges. When I reviewed David St. Lawrence’s book, Danger Quicksand – Have a Nice Day, I was relieved that finally someone is telling the whole truth about the ugly side of corporate employment – backstabbing. When I wrote Rules for Professionals, backstabbing was a problem we cannot ignore.
I am convinced that backstabbing is the biggest driver of corporate cynicism and rot. Backstabbing can be subtle, hidden from view. Backstabbers aren’t always called out, they get away with backstabbing, which encourages them to use backstabbing as a viable method for career advancement.
A common form of backstabbing is between coworkers. For example, a professional has an issue that he wants to approach his manager. Before he approaches his manager, he decided to talk it over with his coworker to get that coworker’s perspective. The coworker then turned around and told the manager… and in this situation, we can only guess how the coworker portrayed the situation to the manager. The manager then storms into the professional’s office and demands to know what he was planning.
If you work with someone like this professional’s coworker, then you know that feeling of betrayal and disgust. If you don’t “call out” this person, he will continue to behave this way, especially when he thinks it is a great way to ingratiate himself with the manager and “earn” that manager’s trust.
Hold a meeting with both the coworker and the manager. Say that you want to prevent further misunderstanding, and tell the manager what you said to the coworker. Ask the coworker what he said to the manager. I guarantee this coworker will think twice before doing this to you or to another person in the future.
Dealing with backstabbers is like dealing with a festering wound under a bandaid that has become contaminated. You need to air out that wound and expose it. Then you need to clean it out. Ignoring backstabbing causes this behavior to fester and poison the organization.
Backstabbing can be stopped – one backstabber at a time.
No. 1 — February 15th, 2006 at 11:37 am
[...] Do You Work with Backstabbers? http://www.janechin.com/backstabbers/ [...]
No. 2 — July 14th, 2006 at 5:38 am
Sorry to say you’re wrong. Backstabbers CANNOT be stopped. They always find a way to screw you over every chance they can. I’ve dealt with them for nearly 20 years and when you approach them, they either go into denial, scream at you, or withdraw. Then they revert back to their backstabbing ways. My favorite type of backstabber is the “phony friend” who asks all kinds of questions and pretends to like you, just so they can tell you off to everyone in your building. BACKSTABBERS SUCK.
No. 3 — July 14th, 2006 at 6:51 am
I’m not sure what field you work in – it sounds like you’ve got a few backstabbers around you! You bring up a good point – whether backstabbers can be stopped depends on the whole team.
Backstabbers are backstabbing because it’s working for them and they’re getting whatever they want out of their behaviors. Someone is listening to the gossip a backstabber is spreading, and encouraging it by contributing more into the gossip pool. This validates the backstabber’s behavior, which converts the gossip recipient into a backstabber himself/herself.
As with most poisons, backstabbers sometimes end up harming themselves from their uncontrolled enthusiasm of damaging their victims. Unfortunately it doesn’t help the victims feel much better.
No. 4 — September 4th, 2006 at 7:07 pm
[...] Instead of confronting the situation openly, a backstabber would channel that anger or resentment to silently injure a coworker or another person. In the past I’ve talked about how to start dealing with backstabbers, where I recommend that calling out a backstabber may be an effective way to curtail a backstabber. Opening communication is like airing out an infection, sometimes you need to expose the wound and kill off the anaerobes before healing can take place. If the victim fumes in silence, will this create more fertile ground for backstabbers to build on? [...]
No. 5 — November 21st, 2006 at 8:39 am
In my case the backstabber worked for me and was also the nephew of the CEO. When I accepted the position I was not made aware of the relationship. This person needed a lot of training but rejected hard work and chose to take numerous sick days instead. When he was at work he would literally sit around eating and browsing the net. It was demoralizing for my team who complained about favoritism. Eventually, he literally threw me under a bus. I was demoted immediately after I suggested he needed ‘encouragement’. I left the company soon after and since then the manager that replaced me was fired after she too refused to tolerate this brat’s behavior. This was a battle that could not be won. It has left me full of rage though. I wish I could publicly name and expose this work place backstabber.
No. 6 — November 21st, 2006 at 10:58 am
The fact that you and your successor meeting a similar fate suggests that the CEO knows about the problem but either doesn’t care to do anything about his toxic-workplace causing nephew or is too scared to confront the family about him.
If this continues I’d be counting down the days when the company itself goes under a bus, or when the CEO finally does something before the CEO goes under a bus.
No. 7 — January 26th, 2007 at 11:30 pm
[...] or resentment to silently injure a coworker or another person. In the past I’ve talked about how to start dealing with backstabbers, where I suggest that calling out a backstabber may be an effective way to curtail a backstabber. [...]
No. 8 — September 8th, 2007 at 7:43 pm
I have worked for the same large company for a number of years, and have encountered the “phony friend” whom I work in close quarters with in a small group. I have tried many, many, many times to “air out” the situation, and hit that wall of denial, turning it around and blame. This person has ingratiated herself with the boss, and been “friends” with the boss for a long time as well. Even bosses before this one who have not put up with it think I am just complaining and don’t want to hear it, they just tell us to work it out amongst ourselves. I have never encountered a situation where this person has been made accountable for her behavior. A few times she has slipped up and gotten into trouble on her own, but even while I have been on a leave of absence the backstabbing continues, and I have to go back to wrk soon and face this person again. Changing jobs is not an option at this point. Silence doesn’t stop this person either, they make up their own garbage. I have just learned to live with it and avoid her as much as possible, she will never change.
No. 9 — September 20th, 2007 at 5:56 am
I worked with someone who did the following to me:
Did not tell me about certain things. When I found out he said well you’ve done that job before so why cann’t I. I said next time tell me.
The second major intance was when I got the blame for something. I got shouted at by a senior person (who for all the money he earned didn’t bother to think for 3 seconds) for didn’t even ask what happend. I confronted this Back Stabber and proved to him it had to have been him. The senior manager kept quiet as he was embarrested that:a)He made a mistake + b) he made himself look an arsehole. He even went up a another senior collegue and said he had made a mistake (pitty he didn’t have the guts to tell me).
The third major occassion was when I received a phone call in the middle of the night/early hour. Yes, you guessed it, it was BackStabber. (I was living abroad at the time) I told him (politly) it is very late Back Stabber said he didn’t realise the time. I put the phone down.
A month later I got an email from someone which said something like,why are you miserable? I phoned this person up and asked what does this mean? He said that Back Stabber phoned you to see how you are and you told him to go away.I was fumming. I said to this guy,”Listen, he phoned me a in the middle of the night. Did he tell you that?”. This guy said know and kept silent. I told Back Stabber about this a year or so later (I should have reported him to senior people I could have proved he phoned me plus the email from the other guy proved something happend) and he denied it. I hope some bad happens to Back Stabber and his family. Something really, really terrible. Sometimes, just sometimes what goes around comes around. Why should arseholes like that get away at being dishonest?
No. 10 — September 20th, 2007 at 10:26 am
Peter,
I tried emailing you re: your above post, but my email bounced. Can you send me an email and let me know what address works for you?
My addy is janeychin(at)gmail(dot)com
Thanks,
Jane
No. 11 — October 19th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Backstabbing seems to be the losers way to gain ground at any company. The backstabber are usually insecure and many times feel they cannot compete with others. They are well aware of thier limits. And so they must take action to be made to feel more secure many times at anothers expense. The easisest way this is done is by building up enough trust with a person to get them to open up.