You have been backstabbed, and you are livid.
Before you light up that effigy in the likeness of your backstabbing colleague or worse, run off to tell the boss, or worse yet, run off to gossip to someone else in the office about what just happened, you analyze the situation leading up to this incident.
This is critical to understand, so I’ll repeat:
Analyze the situation. DO NOT analyze a backstabber’s psychology.
99% of the time, people who believe they are victims of backstabbing immediately go into backstabber psychological analysis. We try to figure out “why” a backstabber did what a backstabber did – and did to Us! We may feel compelled to get into backstabbing psychology because we believed that if we understood how a backstabber’s mind worked, we could prevent a future backstabbing. We may also invest in deep psychological analysis because we (subconsciously) wish to shift blame from self (“Why did I let this happen to me? How can I not see this coming?”) to the backstabber, this required us to identify some faulty mechanics of a backstabber’s mind.
Unless we’re getting paid as the backstabber’s therapist (then we really have a problem), we are wasting our time and aggravating ourselves even more. The following paragraph explains most of the psychological stuff we need to know about backstabbing.
Backstabbing is an opportunistic infection. An opportunistic infection occurs when a relatively harmless bacteria gets into a person with a compromised immune system. I’m a robust adult; if I catch a cold, my immune system is robust enough where I’ll get over it after suffering miserably for a few days. I may even develop immunity against the virus and the bug wouldn’t stand a chance the next time around. If a cancer patient whose immune system is compromised from multiple regimens of a harsh chemotherapy catches a cold, that’s very bad.
Backstabbing occurs in all work places that employ cohorts of human beings. Sometimes backstabbing is unintentional, where originator of the backstabbing made a series of poor choices that resulted in another coworker being shortchanged or discredited in some way. Sometimes backstabbing is deliberate, where the backstabber premeditated actions to support a goal that the backstabber desired. A habitual backstabber is the way he is because he has perceived backstabbing to historically work for him. Unless the environmental response changes and proves differently, the backstabber will continue doing what works.
In a healthy work place where coworkers communicated with each other and the managers are fair (and awake), backstabbing will still occur, but will remain isolated incidences where all those involved grow from the experience. In an unhealthy work place where coworkers gossiped or spread rumors about each other and where the managers play favorites, choose to remain blind because they are uncomfortable confronting conflicts, or engage in backstabbing behaviors themselves, backstabbing will be the opportunistic infection that eventually cripples or kill the work place.
Psychological analysis is less efficient than situational analysis in a backstabbing situation. We simply need to keep in mind the following three rules:
1. Backstabbing is opportunistic.
2. Backstabbers backstab because backstabbing has worked for them.
3. Backstabbers are often creatures of habit, which includes how they backstab.
Based on these three rules, do the following situational analysis:
Assess your work place environment in these past six months. Is it relatively healthy, with a few virulent attacks here and there, but overall a robust environment? It’s important to take account of a six month period instead of “now” because we may have a skewed perception of “now” if we’re still smarting from being stabbed in the back. Examine how the work place may be created opportunities for backstabbing to occur. For example, unclear expectations or dropped communications.
Assess your interactions with your coworkers, including the backstabber, and management. If you are on less than solid ground with your coworkers or your manager, you are creating an opportunity for an opportunistic infection to occur. You may need to make some choices about what you are willing to do to change your relationships with your coworkers or manager. The tough part here is personal accountability, taking responsibility for your part in suboptimal relationships with coworkers and managers. It’s easier to blame management for being unfair or coworkers for being unprofessional, but it doesn’t help your situation.
Assess backstabber’s habits based on the types of situations where backstabbing behaviors surface. We may think we’re getting into some psychological analysis here, but what we’re really looking for is a pattern that we can mark off with tangible “sign posts.” For example, does the backstabber first chat up a gossiping coworker to work the opportunity? That gossiping coworker is a “sign post” of a backstabber’s route or habit. Does the backstabber oscillate “more than usual” between the manager and you when an opportunity arises? You want to know by what frequency this “more than usual” is.
Backstabbing occurs successfully when people are in the dark. It’s tough to backstab when everyone knows what is going on. A first step in dealing with backstabbing in the workplace is objective analysis of an emotionally charged situation.
Additional Resources to Brace Yourself Against Backstabbers
How to deal with backstabbers – Basic if not superficial (ex. “get away from the person”) information about dealing with backstabbing.
A Guide to Surviving Workplace Backstabbers – Good common sense advice, including taking the high road.
If you have had personal experience successfully deterring or even confronting a backstabbing colleague or manager, please share your story.
