I originally posted this on May 13, 2006, and find this to remain relevant on Mother’s Day 2007.
(Inspired by Wall Street Journal’s “The ‘Me’ Mother’s Day“)
Dear Mom,
As the unique woman you are, I know you must be tired of the boring cards and candies.
For one thing, I know how much you care about the trees that must be killed to make cards. For another, I know your feelings about carbs and the sugar-link to obesity and cancer and all those chronic diseases we’ve been Googling about.
So I thought I’d honor you in a way most deserving of your independence and individuality as a modern mother: by investing in your genetic masterpiece – moi!
For example, I’ve spent $1000 for an appointment at a luxurious spa to relax and unwind before heading over to your home. I know sometimes my stress makes me snap at you and act most unloving. By making myself as relaxed and content as I can, I can make sure my calm and benevolent side lasts through dinner.
I also upgraded my cell phone plan for an additional 5000 minutes. I get a free Razr phone – and there’s one for you too, ma! Now we can look really cool while text-messaging each other.
Then there’s the 3 grand I invested on my online trading accounts. I know I can’t take your finances for granted, and that I need to learn to be financially responsible. What better way than to start saving for my retirement now, so I don’t have to mooch off yours?
Well, I’m down to my last $200 bucks, and I decided to use that for a session with a therapist. I know that by improving my emotional and mental health, I’ll get off your back and not blame you for everything that’s wrong in my life. You’ve always taught me to be proactive.
Here you have it mom, for mother’s day, you’re getting a more relaxed, connected, financially adjusted, and more mentally sound kid.
You deserve it!
♥
Your Favorite Gen-Y Offspring
P.S…
I don’t like getting telemarketing “survey” calls, especially on a Saturday. Even if I was told up front that the survey was “not a marketing call” and would “last only 12 minutes.”
Do you know how long 12 minutes can be?
That’s 2 segments of “American Inventor” including the commercials!
Not wanting to be rude, I agreed and the surveyor began with the demographics (age group). Then she asked if I or anyone in my household worked in the insurance of healthcare or some other industries she listed that I’ve already forgotten.
So I said yes. The surveyor said I was not eligible to participate and she thanked me for my time.
…. Hey, maybe in these calls in the future, I’ll just say “yes” to the exclusion question no matter what industry or criteria I’m given.
It sure beats hanging up on the person.
