JANE CHIN, PH.D. ∞

Recently at a conference, I met a few consultants with whom I had corresponded via email but not yet met face-to-face. I always look forward to an opportunity to finally meet with a person whom I feel like I know from email or telephone conversation.

One of these professionals was an industry veteran in his field of work. In the past this colleague had been extremely complimentary of my work. I have a healthy enjoyment of compliments of my work, especially from someone who has done well in his field. I looked forward to meeting this colleague.

We were both speakers at the meeting and we sat next to each other, listening to fellow conference speakers.

When one of the speakers first introduced himself to the audience, I heard this colleague mutter a comment. He wasn’t muttering under his breath, or it didn’t sound like he was trying to, because I heard the comment. I was sure that others sitting near us heard as well. The comment wasn’t complimentary to the speaker, either.

I wrote off that moment as a lapse in judgment. We all have those; I’ve certainly had my fair share of shooting off my mouth before deliberating what I wanted to say.

The speaker began his presentation. About five minutes passed, and this colleague made another derogatory comment. Now I knew others sitting around us heard, because someone turned around to look at us. I also knew that this could not have been an accident. This was no longer a lapse in judgment.

I walked away disappointed from our meeting.

Don’t get me wrong… our meeting was nice enough. This colleague was cordial towards me. But his behavior toward the speaker, whom I knew was one of his competitors, was disappointing.

This incident made an impression on me because it shows what happens when we have an unhealthy approach to competition. I thought about the views I held about my competitors. I would not act rudely like this colleague did in a public forum, and I wouldn’t like it when anyone – competition or not – are denigrated publicly, even if it’s just a whisper. But I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t hold warm and fuzzy opinions about a couple of my competitors. In the past, I would not think twice about giving my honest opinion about some of these competitors when solicited.

This colleague’s behavior spoke more about himself than about his competitor. For all I know, this colleague’s competitor could truly be an egotistical person out to make a buck – but I didn’t care about that. I cared about how this colleague behaved in a situation that called for professionalism.

Thanks to this colleague’s behavior, I became more conscious of how I think about my competitors. How I treat and speak of the competition is a more accurate reflection of my character than the competition itself.