SPEECH TRANSCRIPT
[note: this was the speech as I wrote it, occasionally I will deviate and improvise based on audience and time constraints.]
The first time I felt your foot
Stepping against the inside of my stomach
I was taken aback!I had grown used to your squirming
And occasional bumping
Against the walls of my body
But never had my right hand
Felt your entire foot on it.This may have been an accidental meeting
But I can’t tell you how much it means to me
Mr/Mme. Toastmaster, Fellow toastmasters, and guests:
You can probably tell that I was talking about – or talking to – the life that I am carrying inside. I can only describe the past 7 months as one of the most intense states of metamorphosis I have ever experienced, and may ever hope to experience again, in my life.
My life changed on March 17, 2007 when we conceived. How do I know this exact date? I was a control freak.
Oh yes.
My husband Cass and I have been married for 9 years. When we were finally “ready” to “try” and have a baby, we got advice from well-meaning people like, “Have Fun! Enjoy yourselves! And see what happens!”
But they didn’t know who they were talking to. My husband loved the idea of being romantic and “breaking out the candles”. I wanted results! I told him I was interested in both efficiency and effectiveness. The conception dates were scheduled on Microsoft Outlook. Two tries later, we were pregnant.
Then… I began to understand why people say that there are “lies, damn lies, and statistics”. I read about first trimester symptoms and how these “typically” improve after 12 weeks of pregnancy. Imagine my dismay when I was clocking in at 18 weeks and still feeling so nauseous, I was on anti-nausea medication just to get through the day. I didn’t have a trimester of nausea – I had a semester of it! Where was this pregnancy glow I was reading about? My face was glowing all right, glowing nausea-green.
Overnight, I developed the olfactory faculty that even bomb sniffing dogs would envy. One time, I yelled at my husband to shut the windows because I smelled someone smoking a cigarette. He would look outside the window and see no one there. But sure enough, 30 seconds later, we would see someone walk by, puffing a cigarette while walking a dog. I may only have 5 million scent receptors compared to the 200 million that a dog’s nose has, but every one of those receptors must have gotten on steroids when I became pregnant.
On top of that, all the smells I used to love turned into the foulest stench. Cooked garlic and onions and fried tempura… those used to be my favorite smells before I became pregnant. Those smells became unbearable odors. Imagine my poor husband coming home after eating lunch at In & Out Burgers… his favorite is the double-double with grilled and raw onions. He would need to brush his teeth, scrape his tongue, and turn his face away from me at all times, or I knew I would go out of my mind with how sick I was going to feel!
FINALLY! At 19 weeks I started to feel better and eat more. Then… I started to swell. There was a rapid swelling of… just about everything, real or imagined. I would stare in the mirror with alarm because I wasn’t sure how the skin of my stomach could stretch as fast as my belly was growing. My belly button used to be a cute round eye. All that stretching made that eye an angry-looking slit, and it’s only a matter of time before it consummates its fury by popping out!
My belly also got heavier. I have gained one fifth of my body weight, and it seemed to all be concentrated on my belly. Sometimes I would start tipping over when standing because I wasn’t used to this new center of gravity. At night, I have to sleep on my side. When I flip from one side to the next, I feel like a beached whale feebly trying to flip itself over. One happy note is that I now actually have a cleavage. I know this doesn’t look much to you, but ladies and gentleman, it looks really impressive to me.
As I experience and witness these amazing physical changes, I realize that life isn’t project I manage. I can’t control everything, and maybe I never had control of most things to begin with. The last 7 months have been one continuous lesson in letting go of that illusion of control, as I participate in this circle of life.
For when the day comes
And we meet face to face
I will gladly bow down
Get on my knees
Stretch out my hand
And invite your foot
To step in it again.Because you are a gift the universe gave.
Thank you for trusting me
And for being my son.
This is the full poem I wrote for Jaden back in August, 2007:
The first time I felt your foot
Stepping against the inside of the my stomach
I was taken aback!I had grown used to your squirming
And occasional bumping
Against the the walls of my body
But never had my right hand
Felt you entire foot on it.This may have been an accidental meeting
But I can’t tell you how much it means to me
When your foot stepped on my hand.For when the day comes
And we meet face to face
I will gladly bow down
Get on my knees
Stretch out my hand
And invite your foot
To step in it again.Because you are a gift the universe gave.
Thank you for trusting me
And for being my son.
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