JANE CHIN, PH.D. ∞

Whether you believe in reincarnation or not, when we are here, we are living our “one” life time.

When we are young, we feel like we will live forever and that we are immortal. This feeling of infinity and immortality is strong during adolescence, when we seem to take all sorts of risks – some stupid or shocking – without a second thought, as if we are traversing through a self-imposed rite of passage. I know I had my fair share of shock-and-stupidity in my teenage and young adult years.

Now I’m older, I don’t feel like I will live forever and I don’t feel immortal. Suddenly there is less time to things once in a life time. I wonder how many things I could have done – and would have wanted to do – at least once in my life time, before it ends.

Here are three things that I would recommend you do at least once in your life time.

Climb a mountain
When I was a kid, my mom would take my brother and I to climb mountains “in our backyard.” This was when we lived in Taiwan. It would be thirty years before I climbed another mountain (that I remember of). When I first climbed Mt. Baldy in 2006, I was surprised at how much this mountain climbing excursion taught me about life.

Mountain climbing is a physical act, and a very symbolic and spiritual gesture. This is an act of ascension to heights, overcoming obstacles, and remaining persistent – especially at higher altitudes when all you can do is focus on your breathing and taking the next step.

I learned that when you are climbing a mountain, you needed to rest and pace yourself so you don’t burn out. You needed to rehydrate and nourish yourself frequently so your physical body, especially your calves, don’t give way or cramp up. Sometimes all you could do is to focus on the closest object, be it a cactus or a rock, so you could reach that incremental step at a time.

After what seems like hours, you realize that the apex that seems near is really far away, and some people need to turn back or don’t complete the journey for different reasons. Reaching the height of a mountain is a real possibility, but there are no guarantees to reach comparable spiritual heights in life. Thus the journey itself becomes as sacred as the ascension.

Know that you matter
People want to get on Oprah probably for the same reasons that they want to publish a book. They want to be known, not necessarily so they can be famous, but to know that they matter.

Of course, it can be a thrill to appear on national TV and get the attention of a talk show icon. But you don’t need to wait for Oprah or a book publisher to tell you that you matter. You are the foremost authority on yourself and the truth that you do matter, and you already matter.

For some of us, it can be a tough sell, especially when you’re achievement oriented like me, or have been brought up with social conditioning that says you don’t matter unless you convince enough people that you matter by displaying your abilities or achievements.

You may need to remind yourself often that you matter. I do. This is something you may need to do tens – hundreds – if not hundreds of thousands of times so that you can know this truth about yourself for your life time. I do. This is an act of faith or “trust” because you may not believe you have any evidence whatsoever to support this assertion that you matter. In truth, this lack of evidence is never the case, but our mind-noise doesn’t want to believe it. I forget sometimes and prior conditioning takes over before I put the brakes on the insanity of mind-noise.

You can also write the rules on how you want to know that you matter. I recommend that your rules be based solely on yourself – and only yourself – as the authority and approval figure. You want to be on a show? Create your own show and make yourself the star. You want to publish a book? Take advantage of the ease of self publishing and finish your masterpiece for yourself. When the time is right, someone will notice it and be touched by it. Who knows, may be an agent or a publisher would appear to invite you to submit a manuscript. But before that happens, you need to notice yourself and be moved by yourself.

If you hand over that authority and approval privilege to Oprah, as wonderful as I’m sure she is – I guarantee that you still won’t fill up the hole inside your heart that is yearning for love that can come from only you.

Give without an expectation for return
This is aligned with forgiveness, which is to give light when faced with darkness. It is also similar to the notion of “unconditional love”.

I’ve had a contentious relationship for my parents for many years, and at one point ceased communication with them altogether. At the time, I felt it was better for my mental health, because I was not able to love them for the sake of loving them. I really wanted to be loved back, and better yet, to be loved on my terms, where they would acknowledge my childhood experiences and tell me how proud they are of me and the way I turned out.

In 2002, I was finally ready to reconcile with them because I knew then, that I wanted to have a relationship with them for my own sake, just to have some form of a connection, even if they don’t know how to love me the way I wished I could be loved. I was able to give without always expecting a return in kind. What I found was to my surprise, a sense of freedom and even relief. From this came a sense of peace about the relationship I have with my parents, which manifested in real life “peaceful” relationships. Sometimes I feel frustrated or exasperated by my parents, but mostly I am at peace with where we are.

Occasionally, I revert to a childlike wishing of receiving something in return. As I become wiser than I used to be, I take less time to put the brakes on that insanity of mind-noise I told you about.

There are so many things I’d like to do at least once in a life time. Skydiving, for example, has entered my mind a few times this year. I’d also like to be a mom one day. It will be interesting to meet Oprah too, since everyone seems to really want to be on her show (I’d rather know her another way and not necessarily as a “guest” on a show). There are still many opportunities for me to forgive and to continue learning how to give without an expectation for return. I’m still getting to know myself, and perhaps this very knowing may take me more than one life time, if indeed I get to live multiple life times.

What about you? What would you do once in a life time?